Thought for the Day {and it’s a deep one}

Damn. Damn. Damn.

Letter to My Younger Self

I ran across a great blog the other day by Cassie Boorn that moved me.  Cassie is collecting letters written by women in their 30s and 40s addressing their younger, 20-something selves.  Every letter is fantastic.  Do it.  Write a letter to your younger self.  I did.

Dearest Jennifer at 20,

I need you to sit down for a moment and listen.  I know you don’t want to because you have SO much you need to accomplish in school, in the sorority, in life, but this is important.  Your 20s are going to be nothing like you thought, but it will turn out fine.  All your plans and visions of your future are about to turned upside down in a few months and you are going to have a serious breakdown.  I know you don’t think such a thing is possible because you are in such control of everything, but it’s true.  Chaos has finally found you, dear girl, so get ready.  And please remember this: there’s nothing you could have done.  It was an accident.  A terrible accident that takes Dad’s life.

Life will go sideways for a long while and you just need to let it.  Let go.  Don’t try to control the grieving process.  Go ahead and cry and scream.  Talk to your friends.  Talk to your family.  Reach out for support from those closest to you.  Don’t hide even though you really want to sprint away from the truth of what has happened in the hopes that it was just another nightmare.  It wasn’t.  It really happened.  But you do not have to feel so alone.  People love you, Jennifer, and they want to do whatever they can to help you cope.  Ask for help and comfort even though that’s the last thing you would typically do.

And definitely take a break from school.  It is not a good idea to sweep the despair under the rug and try to start Fall semester of your junior year in college just 3 days after the funeral.  You are very strong, sweetie, but you don’t have to prove anything to anyone.  Give yourself a break.

Life isn’t all doom and gloom, though, even when something tragic happens, happiness finds a way in eventually.  So do this for me: Definitely dump that sonuvabitch you are dating right now.  He’s not good for you and you know it.  You will realize soon enough that, despite the beauty queen persona, you are gay.  I mean, really gay.  It’s not a phase.  Don’t let that freak you out either.  Again, reach out to your friends and let them inside.  No one will judge you as harshly as you judge yourself.

Take the year off from school.  Take care of yourself.  Take care of your sister.  Get help for your mother.  Her bipolar disorder is nothing to be ashamed of.  Again, not your fault (if you’d listen the first time, I wouldn’t have to repeat myself).  Medication is a good thing.  She needs it.

Read some books.  Go on some road trips.  Take some risks.  Kiss some girls.  Listen to your intuition because you have all the answers you seek inside you.  You will not only survive your 20s, you will flourish.

I love you and I’ll be cheering for you all the way.

Forever,

Jennifer at 35

{On the Run} A Foggy Day

It has been almost a year since I took up running.  I completed more than a half dozen bootcamps when I lived in Atlanta and had never been able to really call myself a runner before now.  I think I was carrying too much baggage back then to find the bounce and pep needed to propel myself forward.  Anyway… where I now live is the perfect place for a run almost year round.  There are paths and boardwalks and, of course, the beach.  And the weather is nearly always fantastic, so there is no excuse not to get outside!

Now, I run 3 to 4 miles first thing in the morning almost every day of the week, rain or shine.  It gives me a chance to get centered, to visualize the day before me, to find inspiration in my surroundings.  Yesterday’s run in the foggy morning light was particularly beautiful.

The beach on a foggy morning just after sunrise.

The blue/grey shades of the sky and the water coordinated so perfectly with the sand and brush along the water’s edge bringing to mind some of my favorite paint colors.

Rain

Moody Blue

Griffin

Alabaster

Where do you find your inspiration?

Cupcakes are my life

I started this blog as a creative outlet for my writing endeavor. Then I got totally sidetracked by starting a new business, Queen Bee Cupcakes, and moving south to Seaside, FL.

No worries, I’m going to get focused again soon. Hopefully sooner than later.

The Facebook Fan Page for Queen Bee is going strong, though, so check it out here.

It’s “bee”n awhile…

 

I'm working so hard to get the cupcakes ready for everyone who wants one!

So here’s the skinny on what the heck I’ve been doing in the last 2 weeks and why there have been no blog entries:

• May 14th – Moved to Florida from Atlanta & took delivery of the Airstream which was so wonderfully delivered from St. Augustine by my mom’s partner, Richard.  He is a fantastic man and I’m so delighted he’s part of mom’s life and mine.  [There is a little back story, though, about why Richard had to strong-arm it from the ne're-do-well who promised the moon and delivered a heap.  If you ever meet a short little man called Doc who tries to sell you anything...run away.  Fast!  It's water under the bridge because I figure he'll get what's coming to him one day.  Karma, buddy.  Anyway...]
• May 15th through May 28th – Worked like crazy to turn an empty shell of an 1970 Overlander trailer into a fully-outfitted bakery on wheels.  Headed down many a dark and winding road in my quest to get the layout just right for baking and serving.  Tons of trouble-shooting and problem-solving skills were called into play.  From sun up to late into the night each night, I have been completely focused on one thing:  getting ready to bake cupcakes for the masses.  I also want the setting to be perfect with bright yellow chairs and shading market umbrellas.  I haven’t had a whole lot of sleep in 2 weeks and I’m enduring constant, sweltering heat around the clock.  I’m exhausted.
• May 29th – First official test baking with my 2 bakers in the Airstream today.  Bit of a rocky start with the ovens, but rounded out with some great Old Fashioned Vanilla Bean cupcakes that I have given away to faithful followers of the Queen Bee Fan Page on Facebook (try saying that five times!).  The staff will be testing out more of my recipes on Saturday and Sunday and making adjustments according to flavor, moisture and how well it holds up in the heat.  AND I WILL BE OFFICIALLY OPEN FOR BUSINESS ON MONDAY, JUNE 1, 2009.

Bless my heart, what have I done?!!!!!

Inspiration is Everywhere

 

Creative inspiration is everywhere I turn, even pot holders and aprons.

Inspiration can be anywhere for me and often pops up when I’m not really searching for it.  Sometimes, though, I go looking for the elusive muse of creativity to spark new thoughts or ideas.  Recently, while perusing the shelves at the Cook’s Warehouse in Decatur, GA, I ran across this lovely black and white graphic pattern on an apron and a deliciously whimsical honeycomb pot holder.  Whammo!  Instant inspiration!

 

Just imagine Queen Bee in her apron!

Mise-en-Scene

 

At the scene, so to speak. Standing next to Queen Bee's hookup.

Seaside, Florida will be the new backdrop for my life very soon and I could not be more delighted!  Each day I will ride my bike to work at Queen Bee Cupcakes, which will be located on the promenade just in front of a lush, green amphitheater, surrounded by quaint shops, all of us just across the street from the sugary sands and emerald waters of the Gulf of Mexico.  

When I think about the place where I will soon live, work and play, a term from a college film class always comes to mind: mise-en-scene.  I remember my professor pronouncing it in a mock French accent (memorably mixed with his southern drawl) and then explaining that while it does literally mean “in the scene”, the term has grown to encompass the entire mood of the film.  The mise-en-scene is more than just the visible stuff a viewer sees on the screen, it is the articulation of the characters and their spatial relationships to the background and each other.  That is the part that I love – the idea that the things in the background can have an impact on the experience in the foreground.  

I have often said “where ever you go, there you are,” meaning that a change in scenery does not constitute a change in character, but I am slowing letting go of that blanket generalization.  I think the place you live does indeed have influence on your frame of mind and your frame of reference.  My hope is that I will slow down a bit, let go of some of my intensity and just relax in the tropical setting.  I pledge to breathe deeply before freaking out and pause to enjoy the experience.  I want to bake some of that joy and contentment into each of the Queen Bee cupcakes because for me, life really will be a beach!